ma's gone 4 3 years now...

today (i mean oct 30) marks the 3rd anniversary of ma's homegoing. as usual, mom, cheh and sa went to visit ma at her condo in nilai. AND as usual i didn't get to go becozzz i had to go to school, and becozzz i had exams. why-why can't i skip ze stoooppeeed-meeleepeede pj and moral papers. after all i so good in them already -- i exercise all ze time, and i am such a morally upright person. why? why? i demand to know why!!! but would mom tell me why? no she will not. she said no. tat's it!!

oh well...they went (oh.. pa didnt go becozz he had tender to work on) and they got lost. wahahahahah....they got lost. but anyways...they managed to get to ma's place finally. and they bumped into koo-koo. good of him to go see ma. well...mom, cheh and sa (and yes, i asked sa to get some petals for me for ma as well) brought flowers for ma. one of them looks like a mop -- chrysanthenum mop. you know wat ma would say --- "ah chuah beh hor wa keh sai hua" (why buy me chicken shit flower!!!!!) farrrnnniii.... then mom used the keh sai hua as mop for ma's window -- got some silly insect nest on the window.

u know, 3 years is a long time and people say time heals. in a way yes, in a way no. i still miss ma very much. until today i still remember the final day she was with us. how peaceful and quiet she was after a couple of days in gross pain when she was moaning so loudly away. i wish i had been more patient with her then. i wish i had sat down longer with her. i wish i knew those were her final moments. i remember thinking that ma's systems were shutting down then but i didnt know it was really the final lap. she slept through her final day with us. i thot she was tired out by the pain. in a way, she was -- that was why god decided then that enough was enough, and it was time for her to return to him, healed and restored. i wish i had known. i really wish i had known. i am sorry, ma. i love you very much and i miss you..........